According to recent statistics, an increasing number of people in the United States have been diagnosed with a condition known as “Beer Snobbism”. Those identified as having this condition often complain that the flavor of common American brewed beers is like the taste of water – or worse. The unfortunate victims of this condition must obtain greater degrees of beer flavor and enjoyment from small craft breweries or other countries – often at greater cost.
Dear reader, does this describe you? If so, you may be a Beer Snob. The symptoms below will help to you identify the warning signs.
Symptom 1 – When you hear Sarah Palin speak of “Joe Six Pack”, you only want to know to which brand of beer she refers.
Symptom 2 – When describing a beer drinking experience, you’ve actually uttered the word “mouthfeel”.
Symptom 3 – You roll your eyes and get frustrated if someone cannot name the basic ingredients of beer from memory.
Symptom 4 – You know what mead is and, furthermore, you’ve consumed it more than once.
Symptom 5 – The extent of your knowledge of the German language is limited to one word – “Reinheitsgebot“.
Symptom 6 – “Zymurgy” is the only word that comes to your mind when you try and list words that starts with the letter “Z”.
Symptom 7 – You don’t note the passing of the seasons with a calendar or the weather, but by the seasonal specialty beers that are available from the Boston Beer Company, makers of Samuel Adams beers.
Symptom 8 – You cannot even imagine drinking a beer from a bottle much less – horror or horrors – a can.
Symptom 9 – You actually get a little hot under the collar if someone calls a beer a “brewskie”.
Dear friend, if you have exhibited one or more of the traits described above, I’m very sorry to tell you – you are indeed a Beer Snob. Do not despair. All is not lost. Help and hope is available. See our tips and warnings below for assistance.
Tips & Warnings
- 4 out of 5 beer drinking professionals agree that this condition is nearly impossible to reverse.
- Seek support and treatment from a Beer of the Month Club, a local brew pub or a home brewing association.
- As always, drink responsibly. Beer snobs know that good beer drinking is about quality, not quantity.
- “Friends” may try to “help” treat your condition by offering you remedies that go by the street names “MGD”, “Pabst”, “Bud” and the particularly hideous “Black Label”. Do not succumb to such pressure. Your condition will only worsen.
- If you are not a beer snob, be sensitive to those that are. A more politically correct description for victims of this condition is “Beer Connoisseur”.